dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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