you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
