When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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