I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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