it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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