yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
