I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
