Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
