Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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