honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
