just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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