You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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