I can tuck mytits in my pants
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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