1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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