I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
