You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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