my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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