Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
