Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
