Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
