and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
