so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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