I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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