Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize