Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
