I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
