It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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