I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
