i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
