Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
