You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
