mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
