maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize