My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
