I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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