wanna go halves on a baby?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
