im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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