when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
