it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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