I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
