i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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