1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
