will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize