Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sober January is a disaster.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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