Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
