she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
