I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
