My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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