she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
