Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
