gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
