i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize