I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
