yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
