Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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