garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
