i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I forget how to act sober
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
