Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
