Don't make out with my wife yet
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
