Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
