you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
