I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
