Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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