I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
