Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
