saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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