The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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