What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
