When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my liver is dry heaving
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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