just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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