based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
