It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
