She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
