Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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