so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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