Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
