Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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