Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
