Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
