I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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