I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
