i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
