the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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