The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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