the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Holy shit dude........stairs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize