Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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