White coat. Heels.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
