I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
