and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
