Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
