I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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