I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
