sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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