i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
