Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
