i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
