is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
