Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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