gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
