I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
