We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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