I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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