He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
