I can't watch pbs sober anymore
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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