do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
