he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
