Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
