Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
