i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
