I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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