you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
